Working Through Our Grief

Many of you know my story, but for those of you that don’t, after losing my husband to cancer and becoming a widow at 35, life was hard for me. My world had fallen apart. I had to learn to live with pain and how to live in my new normal. It was a brutal time for me and for my children and an extremely lonely time, despite being surrounded by my amazing family and friends.

As a result, I went back to school and became a Certified Grief Coach and Health & Wellness Coach so that I could put purpose to my pain and help others learn to care for themselves while also working through their grief. You can read more of my story here on my website, but I wanted to share some tips with you in case you are reading this and are in the midst of a difficult time of loss.

Many of my clients have lost a spouse or a loved one, but as time as gone on and my practice has grown, those suffering from all kinds of loss-divorce, financial issues, moving, loss of a job, or relationships, and many more have reached out for support and help. Loss and pain of any kind, is something that unites all of us because it will hit each one of us at one point or another.

This week I had the privilege of speaking at Grief Group. My passion is to walk alongside others in their grief and offer hope and healing in the process, so speaking at events in addition to working with my clients is always a gift. The longing of my heart as that you read this is and come to know the absolute truth that NO MATTER WHAT is happening in your life, no matter what you are going through right now, no matter your pain, YOU CAN TRUST God and hope and healing waiting for you!

Grief changes us, but it doesn’t have to define us or destroy us. Here are a few tips that may help you in your grief.

1. Surrender. We all have a plan for our life. Grief messes with our plan and we don’t like it. When you are experiencing grief, accept that everything has changed, so surrender your plan, your heart and your pain to Jesus! He will meet you right where you are at, comfort you, and redeem your broken heart and life.

2. “Be still and KNOW that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 . This is key to woking through our grief. So often, when we are in pain, we just want that pain to go away. We will do anything to avoid it. We may fall into addiction to numb the pain, or we may just say yes to everything and get busy. We get lost in work, activities, doing for our kids, taking care of others, and just doing, doing, doing. Busyness absolutely hinders the healing process. But God calls us to be still and KNOW that he is God. True healing only comes when we sit in the pain, face the fears, allow the tears to fall, put words to the broken dreams, wrestle with the things that should have been but will never be and learn to live with it. If we run from the pain, we will NEVER find healing, and God is here to bring hope and healing.

3. Selfcare. As a caretaker and a widowed mama of three littles, I was all about caring for everyone else. I was so worried about them after their dad died. BUT, in the midst of that, I forgot to take care of myself. When we are so busy caring for others, it doesn’t allow us to care for ourselves, which is detrimental to our health. We must make time for it. That includes exercising, eating to fuel our body, spending time with friends, praying, doing things that are life giving to our soul. This is essential to the healing process

4. Pain and Joy can exist together. This is a new reality for many of us. As humans, we want to get rid of pain as fast as possible and “get over’ the loss. so we can just be happy again. It doesn’t work like that. We will never GET over losing a loved one or a painful loss. You don’t get over it. We learn to live with it and it becomes a part of who we are. Pain is messy. Grief makes us cry in the grocery store, or at a game, or when a song comes on and that is unpredictable and scary to us and to others. People don’t know how to react or what to do and this makes it all so awkward and uncomfortable. I say too bad! Life is awkward and uncomfortable as we learn to live without our loved one.We have to learn and accept that these emotions are real and a simply a part of our new normal. My kids and I have worked hard to accept that loss and pain are now a part of us. It doesn’t make our life bad, in fact we have an amazing life, but it’s just different. But the good news is that GOD can bring JOY and happiness and laughter into a life filled with pain and loss. We don’t have to experience one or the other. Pain and joy can exist together at the exact same time and in the exact same moment!

Loss is hard. The grief process is hard and it’s a journey for a lifetime. BUT, if we lean into God and allow our journey to be messy, and real, and raw, then hope, healing and redemption can be the new chapter in our story!

Loss is hard. The grief process is hard and it’s a journey for a lifetime. BUT, if we lean into God and allow our journey to be messy, and real, and raw, then hope, healing and redemption can be the new chapter in our story!

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HI I'M KENDRA

Thank you so much for stopping by! My passion is to help people be healthy from the inside out with their mind, body and spirit. I am a certified health, grief and life coach and also a certified leverage speaker. I do what I do because I believe God has created each one of us with a purpose and He has called me to help others reach their fullest potential.