THE Day - Living With Loss And How To Find Hope
This is the worst day of the year for us! It’s the physical reminder of the pain we have been through- more pain than I knew was possible to live through- today is the anniversary of Geoff’s death. It’s the day our world fell apart! And although the ending was no surprise, because that’s what happens when cancer destroys a body, it didn’t make it any easier! Saying goodbye was so hard for me, for the kids, and for our families-Goodbye to life together, to dreams we had made, to a future of watching our kids live life and experience it all!
This time of year is hard for us, there is no getting around that! There’s something about grief, and the day of death that is so powerful! It looms over you and you just anticipate it. And as much as you try to focus on other things and other special moments, this day makes an imprint on your soul and mind and life forever!
May 21st will always be the day I remember every little detail- from the last breath he took, to waking my babies up and telling them their dad had died and holding them as they sobbed begging him to come back, to calling family members, to gathering at our house, to praying and beginning the first day of a new life as a widow and all that that entails!
I am so proud of my children and the way they have handled their new life. They have handled losing their father with grace, authenticity, and love. They are compassionate and kind and they understand deep pain and disappointment from life throwing you the ultimate curve ball! They have suffered more in their short lives than I believe anyone ever should, and yet they stay strong in the faith- believing that God is still good, they look for the good in the day, they honor their dad daily with their choices and work ethic and they face their pain and deal with it on a regular basis! That makes me proud!
Losing a spouse is not something I was prepared for, and it’s not anything I had planned!
BUT, and yes, there is a but! God knew. He didn’t want it, but he knew and he was there- EVERY SECOND WITH US! He brought comfort is the moments when it was hard to breathe; He was there in the loneliness of the night when everyone had gone back to their own life and their own bed with those they love, and this was still our reality; He was there to remind me, my children and our families, that He will never leave us or forsake us and He will work all things for good.
I get asked all the time, how can I believe that God is good when he took my husband at 35 years old and left me a widow with 3 young children? I want to be clear about this! This is the most BRUTAL experience of my life. There is no Pollyanna in this! You have to fight to have good days, to find the good and to be healed from the pain! You have to do the work!! BUT, God didn’t take Geoff, cancer took Geoff. Blaming GOd is NOT the answer! We live in a fallen world, where life isn’t perfect and there is pain! We want to believe that we should live a life without pain, but that’s just not real life! And when we can accept that we will have pain in this life and it’s our job to push through the suffering and use that pain for good to help others, then we will be LIVING and we can get through anything by God’s grace!
This is why I am passionate about helping others! This is why I believe in living the healthiest life you can and why I became a Health & Fitness Coach! You never KNOW how long you have! This is why I’m getting certified as a grief coach- I want to support others who are living with such great pain and grief and need hope and tools to move through the grief and continue with life. We can get through this! We need each other. We need a reminder that we were created with a purpose. We need a reminder that God is good and works ALL things together for good! And we need support and encouragement when we feel like our lives are falling apart!
Remember that today is a gift! Cherish it and make it your best day yet! Treasure the little things, make memories, and when you feel frustrated and angry, ask yourself if getting in a tizzy is worth it! You only get one chance at today! Live it fully and completely with no regrets and full of love and laughter!